My Three Foot World

This Thanksgiving marks the five year anniversary of this blog. I started it at a time in my life when I was still grappling with grief and riding the rollercoaster of middle age: parents dying, children leaving home, empty rooms and time to think. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, and I have always taken solace in words. But in the weeks since the election, words have escaped me, and joy, hope and calm have been elusive. A former Facebook “friend” posted that anyone who was unhappy about the election was mentally ill. I’ve been taunted, ridiculed. I have learned a lot about people the hard way— and there’s nothing as painful as looking in the eyes of someone you’ve loved and respected and seeing a stranger stare back.

It occurs to me that the old adage “ignorance is bliss” is quite profound. I wish I hadn’t taken Econ 101 and learned about tariffs. I wish I didn’t know women with gut-wrenching stories of being denied reproductive healthcare—or, for that matter, women whose voices were silenced with death. I wish I hadn’t heard from friends receiving “Your body my choice” texts, or threats of rape. I wish I didn’t understand the science behind vaccinations and didn’t fear how devastating RFK Jr’s policies could be for drug research.

Am I being a catastrophist? Hyperbolic? I sincerely hope so.

How far would I have to bury my head in the sand to not hear people’s tears? At the university where I work, I happened upon a student sniffling. I asked if I could do anything and heard about her best friend from childhood who, brought to the U.S. as a child, is now fearing deportation.

There was nothing I could say or do—except let her know that there are many hearts breaking with hers. Perhaps that’s all any of us can do. Feeling powerless is a heavy burden.

I’m convinced that as a nation we’ve lost the capacity for empathy—to understand, tolerate and have compassion for people different than ourselves. To truly listen, beyond the sound bites. Both sides are to blame for this. The right has become the party of Christian nationals, and the left has pandered to fringe elements.

It’s all too easy to ignore, laugh at or explain away hateful rhetoric when you don’t personally feel the impact.

Our protective bubbles keep us peacefully unaware.

For now, in the interest of self-care, I’m choosing blissful ignorance. For years I’ve read articles from The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post, The Atlantic, the Economist, and watched several different TV channels (including Fox). Many would say all that reading makes me an elitist. Fair enough. But perhaps the path forward—at least in the short term—is to block it all out. All we can do is wait and see. Be kind and helpful to those who need us. Keep our loved ones close. Pray for our government and its leaders—even those we voted against. Especially those.

I learned recently about the concept of a three-foot world. Mark Owen, a member of SEAL Team Six that killed Osama Bin Laden said that during SEAL training, his fear of heights had him near panic during the exercise that required him to climb upward hundreds of feet above a rocky abyss. A civilian expert rock climber gave Owen the advice: “Stay in your three-foot world.” That means taking one step at a time and focusing on what you can affect.

What’s important. And right in front of you.

Since I read that, I’ve been thinking a great deal about what—and who—will reside with me in my three-foot world. Those are the people I will take care of. Focus on. In my three-foot world there will be justice and peace. The stunning beauty of poetic words. Kindness. Stillness. And in those quiet corners, God.

My Christmas Village—including pieces which I’ve had for decades—is now adorning my piano, and the soft lights remind me that Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner, that I will be able to while away hours with the people I love most. As I stare into the beloved buildings and townspeople, I find myself wishing to be in that village—to be back in a time, my childhood perhaps, where there was right and wrong, up and down, facts and opinions.

A time when “Christians” don’t make me question my faith.

In my three-foot world there will be the soft sizzling of a turkey basting. There will be a Christmas tree and lit candles and the laughter of friends. There will be baby fingers and giggles and hard work and soft pillows and the gentle snores of snoozing mutts. Perhaps the lesson of the last weeks, indeed the everlasting message of the Thanksgiving season, is to take stock of what’s important, who’s important.

And pull them into your three-foot world.

I just re-read my first blog, “Thanksgiving China,” written in November 2019. None of those feelings have changed. If you have a chance, go back and check it out: https://inthemiddle.life/2019/11/29/thanksgiving-china/.

Happy Thanksgiving.